I want to make a poster and have a before and after picture of myself with some text at the bottom of it and I was wondering what program would help me best with that?

I have no answer for you, but perhaps dimensions would help those who might know such software.

Ok what about some software that lets me trick my mac into thinking the dvd is in there allready so I dont have to keep looking for my games?

There are (or at least were) ways to use disk images for this purpose. You would need to mount the image each time, so this would take a moment, but it could be done. All of this supposes, of course, that the software is seeking a disk that matches certain criteria rather than the a disk in the drive.