What Horror Lurks In Your Mac’s Email InBox?

Junk email, spam, is worse than ever. Even with a junk mail filter, some of the mail that shows up is disgusting, hilarious, horrible, and ready to con you out of your money.

Some junk mail is obvious, some sublte, some hard to tell from good. Here’s the best of the worst.

I’m using Spam Sieve to filter incoming junk mail. It does a good job; better than Apple’s junk mail filter, which wasn’t bad.

Still, my Mac’s Mail application will see 300 to 400 email messages a day. About 50 are legitimate, the rest are pure crap and Spam Sieve captures the bad about 98-percent of the time.

That means I still receive half a dozen junk messages in the inbox. That’s not bad, I guess. I’ve been saving junk mail for the past three days. Here’s the best of the worst.

Just scanning the list of inbox and junk mail is an experience. Do you get anything like these? Alphabetically…

Account #474600R - Please ReadThis one didn’t make it through the filter but looks legitimate. Apparently my “application” has been approved and I’m eligible for a $400,000 loan with a 3.7-percent rate.

Forget the fact that the median home price in Honolulu is $495,000. “Gertrude” is waiting to hear from me.

PayPal Flagged Account This one looked so real I can imagine the thousands of people who’ve coughed up their credit card information before they realized (if they ever did) that it’s a phishing scam.

It starts out, “Dear PayPal Member” and goes on to say your account has been flagged as part of online, routine security. Please verify your information.

The email message just looks great, complete with the PayPal logo, and a link which says “Click here to verify your information.” Of course, when you “click” your browser is opened to what looks like a legitimate PayPal page and you’re asked to give up basic information to “verify” with PayPal.

Except, it’s all a big scam. The link doesn’t take your browser to a PayPal site, it takes it Here. Don’t give them any information, please.

The subject headlines from my junk mail filter have plenty of porn.

“Prohibited child porn pics and movies” seems to be popular these days. As are drugs. “Quality Phamraceuticals” has a list as long as my hand.

Much of the junk mail you see each day comes from outside the US, where english “phrases” are a bit different. For example, this mail subject caught my attention: “Pliable and dissolvable lozenges for active individuals.”

You’re ready to buy, arent’ you?

Canada seems to be the place to get your Viagara and Vicodin and anything else with a healthy profit margin.

I’ve got 27 messages that start out “Heyz Darling.” Bad spelling is a quick giveaway, but subject matter alone doesn’t trip the spam catching filters. Read this:

“Would you like to keep me some company? My idiot Husband is out of town and I’m a little lonely. Safe way to contact me: Click Here. PS, it’s me, Nicole.”

Fortunately, I don’t know a Nicole with an idiot husband.

The word “sex” shows up a lot in junk mail. Maybe there’s plenty of folks who are attracted by subjects such as, “Sexy older women get naked and nasty.” See? That’s why I used the word “horror” in the headline of this article. Whew!

There’s plenty of stock tips, too. About 10-percent of all my junk mail has some kind of deal that’ll make me money. Since the US stock market hasn’t gone anywhere in about five years, maybe I’ll give it a try. Or not.

Over 20-percent of all incoming junk mail is designed to give me a “match made in heaven.” Or, “Meet hot girls for dinners.” Neither of which I need. Or can afford.

About half the junk mail I get have something to do with drugs; pain medicine, Viagara, and so on. Meanwhile, toner and ink jet junk mail is on the decline. Not enough profit, I guess.

##### Enlargers appear to be big. No pun intended. I’m surprised at how many $400,000 mortgages I’ve qualified for without even talking to anyone or filling out an application. The money supply must be good these days.

I’ve become more forgetful, too, and need to be reminded that it’s time to refill my Valium prescription. I get reminders every day from people I don’t even know.

Aren’t we fortunate that we use Macs? We’re not immune to junk mail, of course. We’re also not able to take advantage of all the great offers on Microsoft and Adobe software. Imagine, Windows XP SP2 for just $49. Adobe Photoshop for just $49. Microsoft Office for just $49. Macromedia’s Studio MX, the whole suite of applications, for-- you guess it-- just $49.

The most popular email message in my junk mail box this week is Cheating House Wife Services. I’m not sure how to take this, not needing a cheating house wife, and all. Here’s the quote from the message:

Well, that’ll be hard to turn down. Unless you’re a woman who’s looking for part time work. Cheating.

What’s sad about all this, especially the PayPal and Citibank phishing scams, is the sheer number of people who get caught, give out credit card numbers, and have something to lose (besides the time needed to fix it).

What’s your inbox look like? Are you filtering email to get rid of spam? What do you use? I’ve used Apple’s Mail “junk mail” filter with good success, though I prefer Spam Sieve now. What are the worst (and best) junk mail messages you’ve received?

To share your “gems” with other readers, click the Comments link below. No, you won’t need a credit card number to read or post a comment. Also, share with other Mac readers what you think might be a good solution to stop, prevent, or reduce spam? Laws don’t seem to have made much impact.

Maybe the threat of six months incarceration while forced to watch Who’s Your Daddy re-runs would do it.

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