Those who write for a living, particularly tech writers, need to be more careful about choosing topics.
Obviously, they’re getting paid by the word, and apparently content, common sense, and specifics don’t count.
My case in point, and a candidate for Dumbass of the Week, or, at least, Clownish Tech Writer of the Month, is Jonathan Blum.
Writing for TheStreet’s Personal Finance, Blum asks the question, “Are big computers catching the gaming PC bug?
It’s all downhill from there. Too fast, too furious, too funny.
Instead of talking about performance specifics of the latest Voodoo or Alienware gaming computers, we get this:
There’s an actual comparison, of sorts, of an Alienware latptop with a Mac, but more on that in a moment.
Blum calls himself a computer snob for preferring a Voodoo PC, specifically, the Envy line of laptops which start at $2,500.
That’s all well and good, and he notes that the machines come in countless colors and configurations.
Last time I looked, the MacBook Pro came in, um, uh, some sort of aluminum.
It’s hard to compete in a world of color when top of the line for a Mac is brushed silver AlBook.
Uber cool is the Envy that was painted in the same red epoxy used by Ferrari. Uh, how about some performance specs?
He describes the Alienware m5550 laptop as “more mainstream” but decidedly humanoid from Area 51. Isn’t that a bit incongruous?
In a spastic fit of honesty, Blum says the following about pricing in the PC world, specifically how HP and Dell do business:
That’s OK, but what do you get for the extra money and why is it cooler than a Mac?
Absent any specifications, performance benchmarks, or anything that anyone cares about, Blum offers up what turned out to be my favorite quote:
But did he feel like an idiot writing about it, when all the writing was done and there was still nothing to write about?
Here’s what we get for details and why it’s better than a MacBook Pro. First, it felt solid. That’s reassuring. The screen was excellent. That’s good. He also liked the keys on the keyboard. Keys are important.
The Alienware Mac-killer came with dual processors (any idea which kind, or how fast?), a gig of RAM, a 256 megabyte graphics card, and, surprisingly, “plenty of connectors.”
And this compares favorably against a MacBook Pro exactly how?
True gaming wannabe that he is, Blum proceeded to throw all he could at the m5550 and it withstood his every challenge—20 seconds of Doom, and then he died.
Hell, I can do better than 20 seconds.
The Truth is Out There. He called battery life of the Alienindifferent at two hours, picture and sound are awful, and DVD playback was bad, as in ick. That’s “ick” with a capital “I” Ick.
Nevertheless, Blum calls it as he dreamed about it, then proceeded to describe the Alienware gamer laptop as worthy of two thumbs up. Huh?
Yep. Two thumbs—both of which must have been parked somewhere anatomically incorrect during his entire review process.
It gets better. Or, worse—depends on where you’re sitting and what you’re sitting on. Are you sitting down? Here it comes…
My, where do I begin? Lack of details of any kind about the Alienware Uber Gamer results in a concluding plague against Apple. So there, Mac lovers.
Obviously, a Windows virus has been transferred to a human with no gamer knowledge, or ability, or experience, who is posing as a tech writer, writing for a financial publication, writing about a gamer’s laptop.
Sure, that makes sense. Is this worthy of a Dumbass Award or what? At least a Clown Nomination, right?