Quickly. Answer this: Who was the last winner of the Buckeye News Hawk Award?
Isn’t it the same WCPO Cincinnati TV reporter who bashes Apple’s iPod for a living? Hmmm. Could be.
I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t WKRP Cincinnati’s colorful Less Nessman win the award a few times? How many?
Reporter John “Don’t Waste Money” Matarese is working hard to win the award this year.
He’s already won the coveted Mac360 Dumbass of the Week Award.
Back in December of 2005, one of Matarese’s ridiculous reports bashed Apple’s iPods. Tera Jean Patricks, Mac360’s then reigning Queen of Rightly Responses, responded in Typical Tera Fashion™.
Today, I received a sassy “So There, Bambi!” email message claiming to be from John of WCPO in Cincinnati.
What an interesting use of sarcasm from a TV reporter. Uh, John, what’s with all the SHOUTING!!?
JOHN WAS WRITING
… uh, sorry. John was writing about his most recent Friday The 13th Psychotic Episode, titled “iPOD COMPLAINTS.”
So much to expose, so little time. What do you think? Does John deserve a response? Should he be nominated for Dumbass of the Week Award?
I thought so. Subtlety is probably a lost art when dealing with dinosaurs, so I tried to appeal to John’s sense of professionalism, his logic and reasoning, his seasoned understanding of consumer needs.
Then I remembered something about dinosaurs having a brain the size of a pea, and thought to myself, “What the hell. Here goes.”
We’ll certainly be happy to expose your obviously inept, biased, and thoughtless diatribe bash parties, and bring attention to your still inadequate reasonings. Again.
It’s dirty work, but someone’s gotta do it.
What’s interesting is your inability to understand basic math, though I suppose that’s not necessary to get a job in television news these days.
For example, you wrote, regarding USB charging capability: “More than twice as many iPod owners complained about this than owners of all others players put together.”
Since there’s roughly three to four times as many iPod owners as owners of all other players put together, that would mean iPod complaints, per 1,000 players (as an example), would actually be less. Hmmm.
Isn’t it strange that you couldn’t figure that out? Oh, sorry. My bad. It’s that math thing again.
How about this? “While most iPod owners are happy with their players, there are complaints.”
Duh. That’s what you consider news? Is that the kind of reporting that gets you The Silver Sow Award, or the Buckeye News Hawk Award?
I love your balanced approach to journalism, except broadcasters are not really journalists, are they? Certainly not with quotes such as: “”My iPod was like three years old and the battery broke.”
That’s laughable. Out of about 65-million iPods sold in recent years that’s the best you can come up with? That’s hardly a quote indicative of a “growing problem” is it? However, that’s likely to get you a nomination for the coveted Silver Sow Award.
Mac360 hands out awards, too. The Dumbass of the Week Award. I would nominate you but I’m not sure if you’re truly serious about your work, or, you’re a local comedian trying to hit the big time, or simply in need of a handicapped parking zone.
You know, John, there’s a real problem that Consumer Reports should look at. What should we do with all the dinosaur bones littering the public airwaves these days?
Your whole tone is one of arrogance and accusation and spite; it’s a disgrace which hardly represents the kind of journalist people consider trustworthy. The vast, vast majority of those MILLIONS (why the need to shout?) of iPod owners who read Consumer Reports will say the same thing: “Mine works fine.” Then they’ll turn the page and read something else.
Remarkably, that’s probably what happens when people click through the TV channels and come upon your drivel. They change the channel.
John, stick with facts. Present news as fact, rather than your version of what you think the facts should be to support your opinion. You’re fond of telling people about the iPod’s so-called “problems” and then closing off with an accusing “Don’t waste your money” as if the two are related. They’re not.
Having read your reports, I can honestly recommend to other readers and viewers, “Don’t waste your time.”
To nominate, or not to nominate? That is the question. Tera, honey. This bub’s for you.
UPDATE: 5:30 PM CDT
Guess what? John Matarese can read! He read about himself today and responded exactly as you might predict.
He also looked in the mirror today (TV reporters do that, every hour on the hour; so I hear), though he didn’t see what others see.
See John write. See John run. See? Is John a fossil? Judge for yourself.
“Bambi: With all due respect, I find MAC360’s (sic) attitude condescending and arrogant to anyone who doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid that Macs and iPods are the Second Coming.
The beauty this time is that this latest report, with only slight changes, is going to be airing on 100 “dinosaur” TV stations in almost every TV market in the country.
You see, my first report a year ago that simply “suggested” that other MP3 players existed was indeed written by this Podunk little reporter in flyover country. I took a lot of heat for saying there might be other MP3 options out there. I was all out there on my own.
However, this time it is a major national organization that dares to raise a question about the mighty iPod. And millions of people will be hearing this over the next few weeks.
Oh my! KABC TV, the top rated dinosaur station in Los Angeles, just aired the same report last night. It was seen all over LA. Read and weep.
Your good friend.
John WKRP Matarese”
It takes a special class of person to be that way. I’m touched. In John’s fertile imagination he fancies himself my “good friend.” Trust me. That’s a delusion. It must have something to do with his medication.
Someone must have helped poor John write his cute response, as he’s admitted to being a “Podunk little reporter”, and that he “was all out there on my own.”
Would he admit that on his own, or without help? Maybe it’s a dosage problem.
For once, we have something we agree upon. He still is (out there on his own). He’s also right about something else. I’m reading. And weaping—tears of laughter.