Alright, Apple Watch is days old, might have half a million owners and users already, but guess who is telling everyone else not to get the Watch? The very people who haven’t even tried the Watch yet. Who should you trust? Watch owners? Or, Watch watchers?
Foot-in-Mouth Is Contagious
The latest to chime in with a pre-ownership analysis is the venerable Paul Thurrott, Microsoft and Windows apologist extraordinaire. Yes, the same Thurrott who predicted Android spells doom for iPhone.
Thurrott’s business is trading insults for clicks to his website of calculated nonsense, the latest of which is all about Watch. Which he doesn’t own, hasn’t used, and doesn’t want.
Thurrott is– as stated on Wikipedia, so one knows for sure the source of the information– known as “a technology podcaster, published author, and blogger on his website thurrott.com and petri.com magazine. He regularly writes how-to articles and posts his personal comments, previews, and reviews for beta and completed Microsoft products, such as Windows, Microsoft Surface, Windows 8, Windows 10, Windows Phone, Microsoft Office, and other products.”
In other words, he’s the consummate Microsoft apologists and makes a living voicing public drivel to shine a good light on Microsoft while peeing on Apple wherever possible. Why? For additional clicks and page views to his website.
This very same technologist (and I use that word in jest, because insightful analysis is solely lacking among those who claim to be technologists and analyze products and their impact upon the great unwashed masses) didn’t bother to try Watch before making pronouncement upon said Watch.
I don’t have an Apple Watch yet. I’ve ordered one, and through some combination of demand and short supply, I probably won’t see it until sometime in June. But I’m only getting the Watch because I need to stay up on what Apple is doing—and what Microsoft is doing on Apple’s platforms—and I don’t recommend that readers waste money on this first generation gadget. And that’s because you don’t need to see or own an Apple Watch to understand its many deficiencies.
But you don’t need to use a Watch to know of the deficiencies, right? That’s because Thurrott simply read a few reviews to reach his conclusions. Examples:
Watch may take some time to understand (Shocking!)
Apple Watch apps run on an iPhone (How terrible!)
Try before you buy (what great advice)
Watch has different flavors (you mean like bands, styles, models?)
Yeah, I know. That’s what passes for analysis these days.
Sure, the Apple Watch is superfluous, an unnecessary accessory that literally no one needs. Sure, it’s expensive, as are most Apple products. Yes, it promotes even more lock-in to the Apple ecosystem, since it requires a (new model) iPhone. And yes, it’s not even a standalone product (for the same reason). The battery life is terrible. The build quality is beautiful, but like most Apple products it is also easily breakable, something we have to suspect by now is literally a design goal for a company that relies on its customers buying and rebuying the same products every year, or two, or three.
Well, it’s hard to argue with that. I mean, who really needs a smartphone? Feature phones are cheaper. And there’s that lock in problem. Why can’t I get a Tesla electric motor in my BMW. That German company is totally into lock in, folks. Why can’t my iPhone run Windows? Totally lock in again.
Just to be fair, Thurrott isn’t predicting imminent Watch failure. He’s just found a lucrative way to pee on the world’s most popular and profitable and richest technology company– the same one with half a billion happy customers– and do it often enough to make a living at it. Yet, the guy has been wrong so many times in the past that every new diatribe and screed comes with disclaimer.
And yes, I bet the next Apple Watch will be amazing. And I’m sure Apple will get it right, and define this category. I’m equally sure that when they do so, its fans will point at this article and try to reverse-engineer them being right about the device back in 2015. I’m at peace with that too.
At peace. And laughing all the way to the bank while writing about a product he doesn’t own, doesn’t want, and already doesn’t like.
That, folks, is the American way and how 21st century technologists profit by mass producing digital drivel.