Yes, indeed ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, guys and dolls, nobody thinks as different as Apple. Until the company falls woefully behind in the popularity of functionality the buying public thinks is best.
We all know what’s coming. iOS 10. iPhone 7. We know the iPhone will have an improved camera, and iOS 10 will have some additional functionality that makes it easier to use, right? Think improved Notifications, widgets on the lock screen, and cool new technology worthy of a Kardashian.
iAnimate Because iCan
This weekend my husband decided to become a beta tester and installed iOS 10 Preview (a softer way to phrase iOS 10 Almost Beta) on my iPhone 6s Plus because that’s how I roll, folks. I’m the bacon in breakfast. You see, when it comes to a breakfast of bacon and eggs, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed.
Putting a beta version of iOS 10 onto my iPhone tells the world, ‘I’m committed.’ Or, maybe, ‘You should be committed.’ Regardless, there’s a commitment in there somewhere. You know what’s cool? Lasers. Purely high tech. What’s been humanity’s number one usage for lasers? CD Players.
So, along comes Apple’s gazillion software engineers and a growing list of new technology stuffed into a supercomputer that then can be stuffed into your pocket or purse, and what’s the most talked about new functionality?
Eye candy for Messages.
Got a hankering to send a message in your own handwriting (vs. a handwriting font, which is so, you know, 1999)? iOS 10 complies with full on animation as if you were living inside the iPhone’s case and were writing your message for your friends to see (backwards of course, which is very Ginger Rogers-like; remember, Fred Astaire got all the applause, but Ginger Rogers matched his every dance move, backwards, and in high heels; try that Ru Paul).
Back in the day nothing said loving like something from the oven, but that was then, and this is now, and everything heartfelt must actually have some animated heart kisses being blown upon the digital winds.
And not just kisses. Fireballs. Heartbeats. Sketches. And, if you want, draw it all on top of a video.
Nothing makes a friend, loved one, co-worker, or family member feels special than a secret message just for them. Think of it as digital scratch and sniff without the sniff. That’s what’s coming to Messages with Invisible Ink, a clever new way to hide a message that only you can see. Swipe it, then everyone else can see it.
Secrecy just isn’t what it used to be. Neither is invisible ink.
No new technology from Apple is complete unless it receives the special Disneyland touch, and Messages is about to be inundated with little animated emojis and animated stickers. This may be the single most popular function found in iOS 10.
- 4k video? Meh. No, double Meh.
- 3D Touch everywhere? Pffft.
- Smarter Siri? Bah humbug.
- Widgets on the Lock Screen? That’s so 2009.
Nope, the future of technology for nearly a thousand million iPhone users isn’t dazzle dazzle tech. It’s animated stickers. Sticker packs. Stacked stickers. Kardashian stickers. Oh the humanity. We are doomed.
The coolest new technology on iOS 10 isn’t technology at all. It’s emotional eye candy.