The universe is governed by certain laws that range from gravity to light and many more in-between. Humans don’t appear to be governed by anything, despite centuries of attempts, unless our natural habitat is simply to be polar opposites. Yes, the world is divided into us vs. them, bad vs. good, red states and blue states, and Apple’s iPhone 7 proves my hypothesis that opposites do not attract, and don’t make any sense, either.
The Deafening Noise
For months leading up to the iPhone 7 announcement we Apple watchers were treated to a long and growing list of what Apple was about to do and why. Oh, and the headphone jack would disappear, and Apple is doomed.
For months the headlines were attention grabbers, then rehashed, refurbished, and repurposed for the actual iPhone 7 announcement. Only the dates and names were changed to protect the innocent. The missives were the same. Check out a few headlines.
Perfectly Adequate, Still Underwhelming – Did this writer ever use an original iPhone? Or even an iPhone 5s? Underwhelming? What do you want? Good grief. It’s a supercomputer in your pocket. Water resistant at that. With a camera. A good camera. And you’re underwhelmed?
No Silver Bullet For Its Lackluster China Prospects – Because Chinese don’t like American products and don’t like preferred brand or upscale products, or whatever. Hey, the economy in China is suffering a bit, but name a Chinese smartphone knockoff maker that, you know, sells products at a profit. This writer trotted out the marketshare meme again. Please move along. Nothing to see here.
Apple Is Just Milking Its Cash Cows – Well, duh. Isn’t that what cash cows are for? How do you think Apple got $200-billion in the bank? This writer says “the thrill is gone” because Apple makes money selling its own upscale products. What would you buy instead? Some flaming device from Samsung? Good luck with that.
Substance over Style, Critics Remain – Ah, yes. Substance vs. Style. It’s an age old battle. Apple has no style, just substance. Oh, and critics. They’re still here. They don’t make much sense with their arguments, but they’re here. Like cockroaches. And politicians. The old “s” upgrade meme was trotted out but I’m immune to it now. It’s a bucket that won’t hold water, but works well for this writer who must be getting paid by the word, not the coherence of an argument or insightful analysis.
Apple Is Still Boring – Uh huh. It’s 2016 and who generates all the buzz? Alright, Samsung is doing well this summer, taking the heat for all those exploding batteries, but let’s differentiate positive, healthful buzz vs. the kind that catches houses on fire and makes airplanes and passengers explode in the air. Listen, Mike Murphy, if that’s really your name, everything is a remix. Get over it.
Apple’s Luxury Watch Dream Is Over – Sigh. I need a nap. This is too easy. This writer claims Apple was in the luxury watch business but now it’s not because the $17,000 Watch Gold Edition has been replaced by the $1,249 Ceramic Watch model. Oh, and Apple makes more money in Watch sales than anyone in the watch business except Rolex. What does that say? Has anyone who writes such drivel bothered to check out a shopping mall to see all the soccer moms with their brightly colored Watch bands?
iPhone 7 Impresses, But Not Enough To Order – Wait. Let me guess. You’re not going to order iPhone 7 even though it’s impressive. Guess what? Nobody can order iPhone 7 yet. Even if it impressed enough to order. This writer highlighted a non-scientific online poll (they’re cheap to do) and found that only about 30-percent would buy soon. Out of 700-million iPhone customers out there, it looks like Apple will only sell $210-million. And that’s before it gets out the door.
I Wanted To Want iPhone 7 – I wanted to want iPhone 7, too, and I woke up today still wanting. This writer woke up and decided what he had was still OK. Fair enough. But then he laughed with arrogance at iPhone users who would pony up for a new iPhone missing a headphone jack and sporting no headphone jack. Dude. Didn’t you buy an iPhone 6s Plus a year ago? And didn’t it look just like the iPhone 6 Plus? From dissing the iPhone 7 this writer walked and talked himself into buying an iPhone 7 anyway.
There Are Only 2 Reasons To Buy iPhone 7 – No. That’s wrong. There is only one reason to buy an iPhone 7. You want it. There many be many items of justification (a bigger word than reason) on your list, but only one reason. New dual camera system? Justification. Better battery life? Justification. Double the storage? Justification. Cool jet black? Justification. Life for this writer and everyone else is about justifying our wants and turning our needs into wants.
To be fair, I ran into at least as many positive reviews of iPhone 7, despite the headphone jack issue, and that tells me that Apple has another hit on its hands, and with a softening world economy, and that whole wants vs. needs battle always going on, even if sales drop year over year, Apple will make more money selling iPhones in 2016 and 2017 than all the other smartphone manufacturers throughout the world. Combined.
Is iPhone 7 a game changer? Here and there, yes. Is iPhone 7 a big bust? No. The negativity generated in tech media has more to do with gaining additional readers and eyeballs to the advertising game than it does insightful analysis.