Critics screeched and cried, nattering nabobs of negativism nattered, market analysts and pundits went all anal all over the interwebs, and that produced a mess of opinions, perspectives, negativity, and hostility that makes the alt-right look like Nelson Rockefeller. It’s time to stop the nonsense and insanity.
Attention Spans And Eyeballs
Much of yesterday afternoon and today was spent reading about iPhone 8 models and the smartphone from the future, iPhone X. Future? No. Not really. Pretty much everything Apple incorporated into iPhone X has been around awhile already but you’d never know it because not one smartphone has all those features and does them the right way.
What features? OLED display. Edge-to-edge display. Facial recognition. Dual cameras. No home button. Wireless charging. Glass back. Go down the list. Everything Apple announced for iPhone X you can find elsewhere. Except you can’t.
What you will find are the aforementioned critics who howl at everything Apple does. They launch crazy eye-grabbing headlines to pull you into– not news or anything to do with faces– a contrived opinion; that is, a perspective designed to taunt Apple’s 1-billion customers, yet suck them into an article with absolutely no merit.
Here’s an example from Vaness Hand Orellana. The title is ‘iPhone X: 4 things we would change.’
What, pray tell, are the four things in iPhone X– a device which Vanessa hasn’t held in her hands– we would change? Price, glass back, no Touch ID, release date. Come on, man. That’s ludicrous. I have a longer list than that of things I would change about the world. Or, my face.
Wait. There’s more. Mike Wehner said, ‘Apple’s ‘next big thing’ failed live in front of millions.’ No it didn’t. And how would he know how many people were watching. Great headline. Short on facts.
Here’s another one. This time it’s Taylor Martin who says ‘3 things the iPhone 8 can do that the iPhone X can’t.’
What are three things iPhone 8 can do that iPhone X cannot? Be gold. As in iPhone X doesn’t have a gold color. Unlock with Touch ID. Because Face ID is better and faster? Fit into your old case.
Seriously? Those are items to consider?
Zach Epstein uses some kind of convoluted math developed in another parallel dimension to prove that ‘iPhone X won’t cost anywhere near $1,000 for hardcore Apple fans…‘ Here’s the deal Zach; iPhone X starts at $999, which is close to $1,000, and ends at $1,149 for a 256GB model, and that’s still close to $1,000, tax not included. Yes, cellphone companies help finance smartphones but somewhere the $1,000 or so price tag still gets hit every time.
Two-for-one specials count, too, because you pay more for a cellular contract, so somebody pays the piper.
Jennifer Dudley-Nicholson read a list of facts about iPhone X but summed up her experience with:
But how do you use this phone without a home button?
Yes. How. Maybe somebody knows. Somebody? Anybody? Help!
Despite years testing Apple’s handsets, I found myself slightly dumbstruck before it.
Uh huh. Dumbstruck. As in deer in headlights dumbstruck? Or, fearful of asking questions or using Google?
Thankfully, the adjustments are easy to make… as long as someone explains them to you first.
Ah, there we have it. A solution to dumbstruck.
Guess what? If you’re a writer and don’t get invited to Apple’s invitation only events, what can you do? How about smack Apple in the face? Bloomberg news, with assistance by Yu-Huay Sun, and Jeanny Yu, whom I’m certain are not from Cupertino, collectively say, “Pricey New iPhone Underwhelms.”
While there were a few exceptions, the lack of any major surprises in Tim Cook’s much-anticipated unveiling weighed on stocks from Taiwan’s Pegatron Corp., an iPhone assembler, to South Korean screen-maker LG Display Co.
I’m not sure what was underwhelming with iPhone X other than expectations were mostly met.
Doug Kass calls the iPhone X “uninspired.” Jarrod Alonge dares you to buy “the lazy rehash” that is iPhone 8. Even though everything is better and everything changed. Everything. Methinks Forbes just trotted out critical reviews of iPhone 7 and changed the name.
The iPhone X is the actual iPhone 8. The 8 only exists to justify the X being $1,000. Just buy a refurbished iPhone 6 for $200, you chumps.
Why is that not considered terroristic threatening? I mean, he’s threatened civility and common sense.
How about Abhimanyu Ghoshal’s fear of modern technology?
I’ve never really cared for the look of the Apple Watch, and at this point, I’m really tired of seeing its chunky profile. It doesn’t appeal to me as a fashion accessory to pair with my outfits, and as such, one of the most crucial arguments for buying this watch is quickly lost.
Spoken like a true metrosexual.
Cable TV is filled to saturation with a plethora of talking heads talking about the news, but not necessarily providing us with insightful analysis as much as an instant opinion designed to arouse your emotions (disgust, or agreement; you choose).
Talking heads on technology websites do much the same. It’s less insightful analysis about a product, service, or company than it is an excruciatingly difficult to read opinion designed purely to attract eyeballs but not necessarily above average IQs.
Here’s the scoop. Apple isn’t always first to the ballgame with the latest hot dogs. But how Apple mixes the ingredients makes their hot dogs the most in demand. They’re expensive, but compared to Android or Windows hot dogs, many of us who are better educated and have sufficient disposable income will stand in line for what Apple cooks. And next year, all the hot dog vendors will be trying to sell something that looks as good as what Apple cooks.
It just won’t taste the same.